Self Doubt

Hello and welcome. My name is Darren Bennicke and you found your way to the Modern Day Enlightenment. This is an offshoot of my system of healing and human potential that you can find at DynamicSelfAwareness.com and this is actually my first podcast. Well it's not my first ever but it is my first one in this iteration for Modern Day Enlightenment and it is about self-doubt which is I think very fitting considering I've been trying to launch what I consider to be a pioneering field which is mind-body energetics and you will be learning a lot more about that over the coming weeks months and hopefully years. But today I wanted to talk to you about self-doubt. What it is, why we get it, how it holds us back, how debilitating it can be and the reason that it's coming up is that I've finally taken the leap of faith and quit my job and I'm living off savings and I am trying to launch a business. I don't like calling it a business but I guess that's what it is. It's been my calling my whole life. It's basically started like I said it's a healing and potential human potential system which essentially came out of necessity. So I had a bit of a tough childhood with a few different things which I'll go into another time. Suffice to say that I couldn't find answers anywhere else so I had to figure that out myself and that involved a lot of self-awareness, that involved a lot of exploration, it involved accumulating and seeking out different perspectives. I think that's a big one. But today we are going to focus on self-doubt. Now I am having a rollercoaster ride over the last few weeks. It's been really good. One of the issues that I've had in the past was I was diagnosed with ADHD early on and I did suffer through all those symptoms for most of my life. I've slowly gotten on top of the main ones, the focus and the getting things done and the procrastination and all that jazz. But it's taken a quite a bit of self-belief to do that. Obviously self-doubt creeps in as it did this morning and it comes out of nowhere. Like I've been feeling good, I've been feeling good about myself, I've been productive and getting things done but this morning it just hit me and I was like oh my goodness doesn't help that I am attempting this at 50 years of age. I honestly don't think I would have been ready to do this at any other time in my life. Like I said I have struggled for most of my life. But yes 50 is not the best time to be starting a new career calling whatever you want to call it. There is a time crunch. 100% there is a time crunch. It's you know I'm not in the heyday of my life anymore. I'm at the not the tail end but definitely over the middle hump and careering down the other side. So yes there is definitely in the back of my mind that I don't have 30 odd years to get this done. In fact I've probably given myself a little bit of a time crunch by quitting my job and I've given myself 12 months. But that's okay. I'm good with it. I'm good with the challenge. I don't mind jumping off into the deep end. But yes self-doubt 100% creeps in. Now through dynamic self-awareness I have many different ways that I can overcome that. So this morning the self-doubt hit at 20 past 5 in the morning and it is winter down here in dear old Tasmania where I live down at the bottom of Australia. It is dark still. It is like I said it is winter so 20 past 5 in the morning that's a with still a couple of hours that the Sun comes up. It is a lot of time to sit and be in your own head which is a big problem for just about everyone is getting caught in your head. And it just so happened this morning that like I said self-doubt came in I was like oh my goodness what if I can't pull this off. What if I get to the end of my 12 months I've run through my money I've but I don't really have a backup plan. I was a landscape gardener by trade back in Sydney many lifetimes ago. I obviously don't do that anymore in fact I'm not physically able to do that anymore. I've had numerous different careers and jobs over the years but I've always had an interest in healing and human potential and that has been my calling ever since I was a young boy. In fact I remember there was a like an orphanage or it was a some kind of care facility or care organization or institution called Barnardo's and they used to look after kids and I always remember remember we're I remember walking through the city of Sydney one day with my dad and we saw the sign for Barnardo's and I was like I just I thought I'd really love to do something to help other people to help children you know to start my own orphanage. I did actually try to do many of those things it just there's no longer really a need for those kind of things we've sort of evolved and the needs and wants of people has evolved as well but there's always been that that sort of deep inner sense of helping others of being of service to others. It just so happens that my kind of way I do things doesn't fit in very well with modern day society. So a big part of well my motto in dynamic self-awareness is to feel good no matter what so you can live a meaningful life that fits. So I'm not here to sort of say to everyone oh look how successful I am look how you know hundreds of thousands millions of dollars I've earned and look at this look at that and you should do it this way too. It's not about that it's finding a meaningful life that fits and for me I love working from home I love being in my own environment doing my own thing and being able to reach out to people and help them where needed. But that when you branch out on your own there is this element of doubt that you can do it and anyone that has become or just about anyone or most of the people that I've listened to that have become successful have had the same feelings. So what is it? Now for me and this is again a big part of dynamic self-awareness and a big part of what I'm going to be talking about in modern day enlightenment is we're not often taught how to define our own reality. We're not taught how to build design and implement our own beliefs. It's just something you either have the courage or the audacity to go and do or you just keep going with the beliefs that you have been instilled in you from others. Now I'm not saying that anyone in my peer group or friends or family instilled in me self-doubt. That's just although I do believe that inadvertently being around other people who are dealing with self doubt you pick up on those feelings. They're a pattern that we have in our system. We also have here in Australia what's known as the tall poppy syndrome which it's not so much well I don't know like I said I'm fairly well removed from mainstream society but growing up there was definitely a sense that you just sort of kept your head down you did what everyone else was doing you went out you worked a job looked after your family contributed to the economy and that was a done deal. So to branch out and have your own ideas and your own thoughts at once put you on the outer. People either didn't want to know about it or they weren't interested in it or they just didn't have the time to think about those kinds of things. Having said that you would get and we all know people like this you sort of get to the middle of your life and you start to have what's known as a midlife crisis you start to question what it is you're doing why you're here what you've been up to the last however many decades and it becomes real to you that you only have a certain amount of time on this planet and well aside from what happens before and after this which is open for debate but as far as we know this is it so you've really got to we don't have to but a lot of people start to question what it's all about. Now I started questioning what I was all about back in primary school which didn't make for an easy life especially as I was quite a stubborn person in that I wouldn't let it go and if I didn't agree with something I just flat-out refused to be a part of it. So I've always forged my own pathway I've not always walked down it but I have definitely forged it and that is the self-doubt. So the other part of it is if I'm being a hundred percent honest I would have to say that I don't it's changing now finally but I have not really enjoyed being on earth I know that might sound a bit dramatic but I really haven't had an easy time of it mainly because what I would like to be doing and experiencing it doesn't fit in with mainstream society like I'm really I'm not that interested in earning hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars or amassing a fortune I'm not really not interested in developing a mainstream career I'm here to explore I'm here to figure things out and a lot of that is to figure out myself like why I do the things that I do and what motivates me and what holds me back and I've spent most of my life doing that exploring different avenues exploring different modalities in the end I I developed my own and that is something that I'm going to be releasing over the next whatever amount of time but the start of it is is just for me to start communicating my message and the the idea that you can you don't just have to deal with these things okay that there is an underlying pattern and that's the big part of the the field that I'm pioneering mind-body energetics is that there is a pattern behind everything we can feel it and experience it with our body and we can see it with our mind a little bit of practice we can see the pattern we can at least get a sense from what we're feeling from the from being able to describe what we're feeling we can get a sense of what the pattern is doing once we understand the pattern you can see how it came about I give something's constricting we know that that internal squeeze was started from some kind of external pressure or a breakdown of the internal structure allowing that squeeze to happen now things only work bilaterally or you know we live in a binary universe so if something goes one way it goes the other all right so the idea that if something is squeezing what we normally try to do is just deal with the squeeze we just like put up with it oh look just you know we can breathe we can get a little bit of expansion into it the other thing we can do is understand the pattern and that things can squeeze and expand and squeeze and expand and squeeze and expand and squeeze and expand but that's just one part of the pattern with dynamic self-awareness that pattern of squeezing can actually turn into a flow it doesn't have to be that static understanding of the pattern it doesn't just have to constrict and expand it can actually start to move and when you observe these patterns with the mind and when you play them out in your body which I'm going to get into in a second the pattern shifts your perspective shifts the pattern internally starts to express itself differently and you get different feelings different sensations different thoughts different emotions so this morning self-doubt crept in I went into I have a number of mind-body practices that I engage with morning and night it's very important that you set your day the right way and that normally starts the night before in fact it is a continuous process once you get going but the mornings are super important we all know what it's like to wake up in the morning with a feeling of dread of what's about to occur yes changing your conditions 100% if you remove the pressure the stress goes away but it comes back in other forms now are the job that I recently let go of was driving a tour bus I was a tour guide driver and it was long hours odd hours and it wasn't a job that I particularly wanted to do for the rest of my life but that was the pattern that that was the choice that I made and that was the life that I was living at the time and I made the best of it I turned it into something that I was interested in now as soon as I let it go I was like oh god I don't ever want to do that again realistically I might that that might change but the time that I was doing it I didn't complain I didn't think it was bad you just you can get to a point where you are you can live your internal life externally by that I mean I was more interested in living in the moment and feeling good and and being able to engage with people and learn to communicate again so before that job I've been living as pretty much her a semi hermit like I had a family and but we lived on acreage and I pretty much kept myself I was developing dynamic self awareness and I was healing myself and and figuring out this field that I've I strongly believe that I'm pioneering which is mind-body energetics and again you you sort of will explore that a bit more in the coming episodes and if you do end up finding your way to dynamic self-awareness you'll also learn about it there but the idea that we can change our conditions is not a new one but how we go about it that's I feel that I've found a very different way to do that and it's not about using force it's not about using willpower or you know strict discipline so this morning I didn't force myself to get out of bed but I did get up out of bed at a earlier time than I would normally do so as part of the process of dealing with self-doubt so I took the pattern I experienced I could feel it I could sense it I could see it and I shifted my perspective and again I go into this it's not something I can really just explain in one sentence there's there's some yeah I I could try but one of the big things one of my firm beliefs is that you shouldn't deliver false hope and give people information that's out of context or out of order and then you know if if you were to go out and try what what I did this morning and failed you think oh it's me I'm broken it's not you it's in in any endeavor in life in anything that you are struggling with just believe me it's not you it's the system that you're using whether that's a system of living or a system of beliefs 100% of the time it's a system of beliefs but either way it's the system that's not working okay it's not you that's broken it is the system that you are using so the system that I use allows me to shift my conditions and that's that's a big part of this is you don't have to change the behaviors and you don't necessarily have to force yourself to think positive thoughts or any of that it's shifting the conditions and when you shift the conditions it allows movement the end result of that movement was me getting up out of bed and moving and exercising now I don't consider what I do exercise I don't train as such I don't get up and do you know 30 minutes of this or 40 minutes of that or 10 reps of this I get up and move and I move my body in book in the way that it needs to move to unlock because your mind and body are one I know that that's a that's you know you've probably heard that before but the reality of it is is that the mind and body are literally two different expressions of the same energy in fact even the energy is the same and they were getting into some deeper concepts here but this is a reality I don't really I'm probably you're gonna get sick of me hearing me say this but it's true and until it clicks when it clicks you get oh that's what they were talking about a time and time and time and time again you know you you read something or you hear something and you might even espouse it you might even sort of regurgitate it back and say these sayings and things and this and that and the other without ever really understanding what you think you understand what it means and then one day it clicks the pattern integrates and you go that's what though that's what I was talking about so if you are stuck in your mind move your body if you are stuck in your body move your mind and this is as the name suggests what dynamic self-awareness is all about and it's not just doing one or the other it's being able to move fluidly in this energetic state using your mind and body so the body picks up it's a it's a signal station it receives and gives information the mind interprets it and the mind has a very different function which I'll be talking about obviously over the next few weeks months years and that it's is its ability to form pictures of the sensations that our body is feeling so again mine and body are two sides of the same coin they just have different functions they do things slightly differently but it's all based around energy and energetic principles and what I call energetics okay so that's that's the characteristics of energy when it is moving or even when it is at rest it is how energy expresses itself you won't so much hear the term energetics from in the the way I'm using it it's more an engineering terminology but I've adapted it to mind-body awareness and that's essentially what dynamic self-awareness is it is mind-body energetics it's the mind and body working together integrating and using and being a part of the principles of energy and modern day awareness is how I operate or how we're exploring how we can operate in that context within those fields of energy within those flows of energy within those pulses of energy and I will talk about the name modern day enlightenment at a further time and a further date but it is not necessarily about sitting on a mountain although I do love the imagery of sitting on a mountain it's very peaceful to me but that is not what life's about and I will be talking about but modern day enlightenment is basically just being able to feel good no matter what and live a meaningful life that fits and for me like I said I don't want to go out and rule the world I just want to do my little bit and I want to feel good doing it yes I do strongly believe that society has to change we are at a crossroads and we have been for many decades where we've been going down a pathway which I don't think most people like and our kids especially don't like it how do I know that because I was a kid once too and I didn't like it I didn't like the path that I was being forced down there was a 100% definite sense that it was not the right path for me and so I refused to go down it I dabbled on the edges a few times but for the most part I have not taken that path and I I think most people are unhappy everyone says well but that's just how it is well it's not we've never really given it a crack not really there's in order for things to change there will have to be some major major shifts especially around our major institutions so the finance education politics the three biggies but I do believe it can be done it's just gonna take a very different perspective in order to get there but anyway modern day enlightenment is the general gist of dynamic self-awareness is that if you feel good first then you can do it feel good do good things if you feel like crap it's gonna be very hard to get anything done as anyone who's suffered any form of depression well knows it's almost impossible if you feel like crap and you you you you're full of self doubt and self loathing and you hate your life it is very hard to make changes you you really have to get into a position of at least a neutral position in order to get anything done in dynamic self-awareness I show people how to achieve that neutral state in fact that was one of the biggest breakthroughs I had not trying to be this fake happiness and positive thinking and all that jibbity-jubu the skill was in being able to drop into a neutral state or to bring yourself up to a neutral state or to create the conditions around a neutral state because when you are in a neutral state like I said there is no over the top this that or down to the bottom this that there is just peace there is nothing and that enables you gives you the space to figure out what comes next you can tune into your body you can see the patterns that that you're engaged with at the moment you can look at the beliefs that have got you where you are that have formed the behaviors and the feelings and the emotions and the thoughts and you can start to get a different perspective on those patterns so where did that leave me as soon as I started to move I started to get different patterns I started to get different pictures in my mind now one of the things that I practice and have been for some time which has been the biggest breakthrough for me in living a meaningful life that fits and feeling good doing it is to take action on whatever thought comes into my head now that doesn't mean to say that I jump around from one thing to the other although in the past I have where I found the greatest breakthrough was in slowing everything down to a place that I actually drove me a bit nutty for a little while because I felt it was way too slow but even then it was too quick when I actually slowed it right down to the pace where things happen naturally something would come into my mind I would go and do it that would naturally progress into the next thing I would do that and I found that if I did this slow is smooth and smooth is fast I got way more done it made a heck of a lot more sense I actually enjoyed doing it because I wasn't trying to rush to the next thing and filling up that gap between here and there was 72 different things which all caused stress and created a mishmash of patterns in my brain and body so this morning I got up I moved part of my movement is it does end up turning into exercise so I do actually lift weights do pull ups all that sort of thing I just don't come out and go right is three sets of 20 reps did a little there I just move and I allow my body to become flexible to become strong by adding weights did a little there from that I moved into the idea of starting to communicate starting to put my message out there I've got everything in place to allow me to do it now I had just been holding off because there was an element of self-doubt there I have now figured out so this is the outcome of me following my own system which I've had to do quite a number of times in the past 12 to 18 months and I'll go into about that in another episode but I think 30 odd minutes is pretty good for a Thursday morning 27th of June 2024 this is the first episode of modern day enlightenment my name is Darren Bennett you can find me well you're just gonna have to find me wherever you can because I'm not a hundred percent launched yet but anyway dynamic self-awareness is the site if it's up it should be www.dynamicselfawareness as it sounds .com you'll also find me here on Spotify I'm hoping that this that's where this will end up you'll also find me on Twitter Instagram and eventually on YouTube but for now you're just gonna hear my dulcet tones right here so if you find your way over to dynamic self-awareness you can get on the subscriber list where you'll I can let you know when these episodes come live as well as of some other fun stuff I've got planned for anyone that comes on board there will be a free membership and you'll get to learn the basics of dynamic self-awareness and this brand new field I'm calling mind-body energetics so yes find me wherever you can tune in this is just the beginning we are gonna have some fun and yes we may even become enlightened because enlightened is not a end state it is a state of mind having said that I have experienced enlightenment but that's for another episode we'll talk about that then okay thanks for tuning in and I hope to hear from you see you be listened to more in the future and hopefully one day we can even meet get to know each other you can as I share this beautiful life that we're living cheers for now bye